Resources for Parents
Despite what many parents believe, youth sports should be all about the kids and the experience they have.
Our intention is to inform and educate parents on the proper ways to support their children while they compete in athletics.
We'll provide articles, websites, videos and books to help make the playing experience more positive for each student-athlete.
Over Involved, Stressed Parent = Stressed Out, Poor Performing Athlete by Bruce Brown On a speaking trip this summer, I arrived several hours early and was taking a walk near the school when I came upon a baseball game at a local field. The boys were probably 13 or 14 years old. I sat down to watch an inning or two. There were probably only about 30 people in attendance but one man got my attention immediately. He was sitting in the front row of the bleachers looking extremely intense and tense. He was watching the game and his team was ahead 3 to 1 but he seemed to be totally focused on his son. When his son came out to the on deck, there were two runners on. The dad quickly got to his feet, went to the fence, signaled his son to come closer. With his fingers tightly wrapped around the chain link, he gave his son a scouting report – “his pitch sequence is fastball, fastball, curve ball”. Then he sat down and started giving personal instructions in quick bursts – “sit on the fastball” – “keep your hands back” – “get ready quickly because he doesn’t take much time” – “stay on top of the ball” – etc. etc. As he stepped into the batter’s box, the advice started again, “weight back” – “hands high” – “time it, time it” - “Be smart!” I thought, Be Smart? “Like the kid wanted to be dumb”. The coach at 3rd base was giving signals but the boy was obviously trying to listen to his dad and the coach at the same time. The first pitch was a fast ball, taken for a strike. The dad, “C’mon, I told you what was coming, be aggressive!” - “read it out of his hand, weight back!” The second pitch was a curve ball way out of the strike zone, swing and miss. The dad, with teeth clenched, red faced and hands cupped to his mouth, “C’MON.. RELAX!!! ” Relax? Every player on the bench was looking at the father except one kid who was looking down and shaking his head. Relax? How about be frozen in stone? How about being consumed with stress? How about paralysis by analysis? As the pitcher wound up the dad stood up flexed at the waist and knees like he was hitting. Fastball – pop in the catcher’s mitt. Called strike three. The kid immediately looked over to his dad and what he saw was his dad walking away toward the back of the bleachers shaking his head. How should he interpret that? Is his dad embarrassed? Disappointed? Mad? Whether reality or perception, are any of those emotions going to help his performance, enjoyment or memories? I am sure that the father loved his son but he hadn’t learned what behaviors help performance and what behaviors hurt performance. What we had all witnessed was at least 10 violations of the points we make in our presentation to parents. The information in that presentation came from 30 years of asking kids what the adults can do to help their performance and create good memories in their sports career. Some messages that were sent to the athlete by the actions of the father: - I know a lot about this and you don’t - You can’t do this without my help - Listen to me and not your coach – (there needs to be one instructional voice – parents can provide encouraging voices but the technical voice needs to be the coaches) - The game is about you and not your team - You have to look at me for help and approval – (the athlete should never be looking at a parent during competition) - All this information must be important but it is sure confusing - Your body language and volume tell me that you are nervous and upset, yet you tell me to relax (Adults need to be the face the athlete needs to see – especially when things are going wrong) - Striking out is a big deal (that is seeing the little picture – the big picture is using that to learn to persevere) - Your value to me is tied to your performance - Bottom line - Over involved, stressed parents = stressed out, poor performing athletes A couple of years ago I was speaking at a high school outside of Detroit and after presenting to the parents, a 35-40 year old man came up to me and with a lot of emotion in his voice said the following: “Thank you for helping me break a parenting style that I had been perpetuating even though it didn’t work for me when I was growing up. If it hadn’t been for sports, I would have had a good relationship with my dad.” | Articles Parents - see attached documents below for quality reading material on how to be a supportive parent while your child competes in sports. Most articles for parents are provided by Bruce Brown at ProActive Coaching. Proactive Coaching works with coaches, athletes, leaders and teams by providing presentations and published materials designed to make a positive difference and be immediately applicable. Websites (click links below) My Coach Sucks - an unhealthy perspective on youth sports |